hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
