I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Randomize
