I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
