You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
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