dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
Randomize
