They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
Your cock deserves a montage
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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