it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
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