omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
