We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
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