i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
and you fell through a lawn chair
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
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