Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
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