Pants 0. Shit 1.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
The chlamydia really affected his face.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Randomize
