Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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