Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
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