True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
