it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
I wish life had little blips of pornography
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
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