ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
Randomize
