So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
