so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
Randomize
