maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
