I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
