I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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