Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Two words: nipple clamps
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