just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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