what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
I checked into jail on foursquare
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize
