I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
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