i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
I booty called her while she was in labor.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
Randomize
