I never want to see another naked old woman again.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
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