turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Randomize
