covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
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