im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
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