I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Randomize
