Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
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