To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Randomize
