Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
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