I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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