i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Randomize
