does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
Randomize
