please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
there is glitter all over my balls
Randomize
