Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
NoShamevember. You game?
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
Randomize
