How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Randomize
