The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
Randomize
