glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Randomize
