Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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