I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
We had sex on a dog bed..
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
