You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
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