Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Randomize
