Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
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