i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
Is Oprah even human
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
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