Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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