I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
