Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Randomize
