two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
