and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
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