if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
Randomize
