When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Come on in and take your pants off
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