When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
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you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
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Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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