I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
Randomize
