All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize