The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
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