When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
Randomize
