Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
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