I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
Randomize
