We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Randomize
