We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
Randomize
