All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
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