I don't usually arrange sex via text message
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Randomize
