So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
