She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Randomize