how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize
