3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
We need to get me chipped asap
If its not for food we ain't going out.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
Randomize
